At some stage soon the excerpts for all the ABNA quarter-finalists will be published on Amazon.com – as soon as I know where I’ll post about this. Meanwhile the two review comments by (anonymous) ABNA expert reviewers have appeared. Here are some highlights…

• We learn so much about the life and work of Makty. I found it very interesting…
• Elegantly written and full of rich back story about Makty and how he’s fashioned his current existence…
• On a line level, this is one of the strongest pitches I have read…

The full review comments follow… at this stage the reviewers were only exposed to the “Excerpt”, ie the first 3750 or so words (rather less than the first chapter). At the next stage then (so I understand) the general public gets to see the “Excerpt”, and the reviewers the whole lot.

1. First reviewer
   • What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?
     We learn so much about the life and work of Makty. I found it very interesting …not only how he worked at decorating the tombs but also his life style i.e. how he, although he worked hard and was very frugal, still chose to move on to a new location after not staying too long in any one place.
   • What aspect needs the most work?
     Maybe it would have been even more interesting if we had gotten even a hint as to where we were heading and not so much detail of Makty’s painting etc.
   • What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?
     I found it very interesting and, although I would have preferred to have at least of a vague idea of what was coming, I believe it would ultimately turn into a very good story. I also learned some things about tombs it never occurred to me to wonder about.
2. Second reviewer
   • What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?
     Elegantly written and full of rich back story about Makty and how he’s fashioned his current existence. The author does a good job of toggling back and forth between past and present action, making us feel as though much more has actually happened in this chapter than actually does. Makty’s strange dream plants just enough of a seed that we can see conflict is on the horizon. His nomadic lifestyle and desire for space and movement also complicate his character, deepening a character otherwise defined by his work. Lots of potential in the the scope and historicity of the work.
   • What aspect needs the most work?
     I mentioned not a lot happens already, but really, not much happens. Outside of the dream, I’m not sure I see a true hook. This is a chapter full of throat clearing and set up. Nothing wrong with that, but the lede is buried under an awful lot of information and description, mostly Makty ruminating, ruminating some more, and then slightly re-calibrating. Without other characters, dialogue, or a shift in scene, I found it hard to stay closely with Makty’s thoughts throughout the chapter. Give this guy something else to ping himself off of, and I think this chapter opens up and breathes a little better.
   • What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?
     On a line level, this is one of the strongest pitches I have read. This author has a sense of what he’s doing, even if I’m not as engrossed by the writing as I could be. I worry about audience with this piece. Who is the market? Is it for people who value character driven stories or historical fiction? A modern novel or more fabelistic? Movement and the journey the author promises in the pitch will be key. ACTION will be key. This excerpt is certainly well crafted enough to demand further attention, especially given its superior style.